Monday, September 19, 2011

today sucks

Yesterday was amazing. I'll post a full race recap tomorrow, but for today I'm going to wallow just a tiny bit. Today marks 7 years since my dad died. Every moment of today is just a harsh reminder that it has been 7 years since I saw him, hugged him and heard his voice.

I was always such a daddy's girl. My whole life I had way more in common with him than I ever did with my mom. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, she is an amazing and inspiring woman, but it was always different with my dad. He just always seemed to get me. I miss him like crazy. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I work every day towards being a person he would be proud of, towards living a life he would approve of and even more so toward keeping his legacy alive. I think today is hard for my whole family, it is kind of like a giant pink elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. But we all try to find ways to remember the good times we had with him and hope that he is watching down and being with us every day.

My dad was crazy smart, I like to think that I got that from him. But he was so much more than that too. He was hard working, dedicated, sweet, overly emotional, giving, and really just overall an great guy. The week after he died was obviously hard but there is one memory that sticks out that always makes me smile. After word spread that he died, we got a call from his manager at IBM, he called to ask if we could wait an extra day until the funeral because there was an overwhelming reaction from his overseas coworkers. They all wanted to fly in to share their condolences with us. We agreed and the night of his wake we were completely overwhelmed. IBM'rs flew in from England, Japan and a couple other countries to come pay their respects. I was a bit out there during the wake, but I remember each and every one of his coworkers - so many that we had to extend the wake by more than 2 hours to accommodate them - sharing stories about him. There was a very consistent theme throughout each and every story, he was a workaholic who made a huge difference to the company, but his love of his job was nothing compared to his love of his family, my mom and my sisters and me. Every single person we talked to had the same opinion of him, if they had spent any time with him at all, they knew all about us. They knew about his daughter who was following in his footsteps (me), his daughter who graduated from Columbia University!!! (Jenn, my older sister) and they knew about his little all star swimmer (Jess, my baby sister) and  mostly they knew about his utter devotion to the woman who held it all together for him, my mom. But it didn't end there, they knew about my cousins, details about how proud he was of each and every one of his nieces and nephews, and there is definitely not a shortage of nieces and nephews (I'm one of 20 grandchildren on my dad's side of the family).

I came here today intending to write a post about how much I miss my dad and how it is a struggle with every life event that he won't be there for. I'm glad that the post evolved into a much happier one, sharing a memory that makes me smile. I do miss him terribly, and today does suck, but I know that he would be ok with me crying about missing him as long as I think back and remember him with a smile.

Miss you daddy.


natasha {schue love} said...

Wow, this is such a touching post. I am so sorry to hear that you've lost your dad for 7 years now...that must be incredibly difficult. I can't imagine. Thinking of you and saying a little prayer for you and your family. Know that your dad is with you every day.

Catherine said...

What an inspiring post. I hope I can share and show my love of family as much as your Dad did. Thanks for sharing.